As amazing as it was to have him home, my partner in crime and biggest advocate; it has been an adjustment as we go back to a home together. His home for the past ten months was the boat and my home was our house. When they are gone, you adjust and grow. You have no other choice. There is no one to hold your hair back as you throw up for the 3rd time in a row because your have a headache from heck and no pain tolerance. You figure it out! Even if that means crying in the doctor’s office when he tells you to “take more medicine and try it again” because all you are thinking is “What if it doesn’t work? I barely made it here to the doctor’s office the first time, what happens if I can’t make it back?” Calling 911 would be super humiliating but, yes, of course, that’s what I was thinking!
Then they come home and its perfect till you are “talking” at 11 PM and it come out he HATES your house. You know the one that you did a 3 lien short sale for (short sales are NOT short), downsized for and lived in a friend’s house that you not so lovingly called the hovel. Trust me 3,000 sqft of stuff does NOT fit comfortably in a 1200 sqft house!
Suddenly the second night home became a fighting match; not fun in the sack. After working on my blog all night long (writing has become theraputic). We reconciled the next morning and all was well. Until…. it almost happened again the next night. I realized what we did wrong. It wasn’t the discussing of what happened when we were apart, it was the time.
No Good Discussion Happens After 9 pm
After 9pm we do not discuss life, or future plans. We don’t make plans for our future or discuss how deployment went! No comments about the pictures not being put up perfectly, or the fact that our FIRST house out here was BETTER than my “dream” for the area house! Even after 5 year of marriage we are not going to “perfectly” agree! That is okay. Just today my husband made a dissenting comment and stuck out his tongue and looked cute. At 4 pm it was “funny” and made its point. After 9 pm this redhead would have been let loose and fires would have started.
So do yourself, your marriage, and your friends (because who else would you call, and say can you believe my husband said THAT!) don’t discuss things at night! Eventually it will be funny (my husband I share a giggle when friends/family ask, “What did you husband think of the house?”). At that time of night you don’t need any more stress. Reintegration back into a family unit takes time and won’t be easy but it will be worth it! Allow yourself and your spouse some wiggle room.
What is your rule for reintegration? What “lesson” did you learn?1
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